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The only fashion rule in stand-up comedy is that you shouldn’t wear shorts because they’re considered “unprofessional.” This never made sense to me. I’m allowed to make jokes about snapping dicks during sex, but I can’t wear a high-waisted denim short? It’s 90 degrees in New York right now—wearing jeans feels like a pants prison, so I choose to ignore it. Sue me! I think this sartorial mandate was made for men who wear cargo shorts. There is also a weird rumor that if comedians wear something too trendy or revealing, it will distract the Xbox 20th anniversary timeline shirt moreover I will buy this audience from their jokes. Again, I’m not buying it. Chalk it up to my rule-breaking nature, but lately I’ve become more interested in being fashion-forward (I’ve been watching a lot of outfit transitions on TikTok, okay?). And conveniently, I got invited to my first fancy-pants New York Fashion Week show. Thus, I called an overpriced Uber to take me 20 blocks. At first I felt weird walking outside looking so fancy—most of my neighbors usually see me wearing baggy shirts and stuffing my face with a scallion cream cheese bagel—but then I remembered that literally no one cares and that’s the beauty of New York City. Fifteen minutes later, I arrived at Spring Studios. I’ve seen influencers tag this location on Instagram, so I figured it was legit. The building looked like it was made for people who work in fashion—serious on the outside, but creative on the inside. Did that make sense? Sorry, fashion people scare me a little.

Like a deer on ice, I stepped out of the Xbox 20th anniversary timeline shirt moreover I will buy this Uber in my stylish bootie stilettos and onto the cobblestone street. The funniest part about fashion week is how fashion bloggers have completely monopolized the roads for taking photos, creating massive traffic jams. I have to say, it’s pretty damn empowering to see a 5’3” girl in a pink chiffon dress completely unafraid of getting hit by Hummer. When I walked in, I showed my vaccination card and ID and immediately saw my editor and publicist waiting for me. I awkwardly climbed up the stairs and prayed that I did my outfit justice. We were guided to a room on the sixth floor and I was immediately confused. There were no models, no runway, and no front row. Instead, there were large photos of models in different outfits hung on the walls of the room. I wondered if there was a mistake. I thought, Maybe the models are stuck in NYC traffic or overslept? We’ve all been there. Just in time, Rebecca Minkoff herself gracefully strolled in. She was wearing a leather jacket and immediately saw the dress I was wearing, gave me an up-and-down stare, a quick nod, and, thankfully, a smile of approval. So basically, now I’m best friends with Rebecca. A photographer asked to grab a photo of us and I calmed down. I almost… fit in? My editor Claire finally addressed the elephant in the room and asked Rebecca (in a polite way) what the hell was going on. Rebecca smirked and said, “This is a collection of NFTs. We are creating a fashion metaverse.” Immediately, I felt out of my league again.

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